After some time thinking about it I decided to rewrite this journal, since I wrote it in the wake of a huge fight.
I first want to apologize for removing some art from my gallery recently. It might be added in scraps it might not. For now I would like it not to be associated with me due to recent altercations with a certain Tiger and myself. A moment in my life I need to let go of.
I am pretty upset cause I don't like removing art since it is my growth in the community, but this was something a long time coming.
This journal includes a very long descriptive and horrible rant with lots of violence and abuse, read on if you like.
Let me break this down for you.
I dated him many years ago, and all I had asked back then was to know if he was cheating so I didn't need to hear it offhand from my friends who were witness to it when I wasn't around. I am pretty open minded and believe sex is sex, but there needs to be honesty for a relationship to work. It's kinda a glue to a healthy life. He would lie and tell me it wasn't true. But I had plenty of physical proof and when I showed it to him he blamed me for letting my friends stalk him like that, hated them for looking out for me, and telling me they were shitty friends and I shouldn't like them for hurting our relationship. When really he was the one being dishonest and destroying it, and my trust in him.
This went on for at least a year, and I forgave him every time.
I was in an abusive living situation at the time we dated an I will be honest I was looking for a way out when I begged him to find a place for us to live and be together. He of course didn't want to. He was content in this parent's house. Being served by his mother and having her do all of his chores, food shopping, cooking, laundry, and serving him right to his desk in his room. Then removing his dirty dishes when he was finished with them. Only to insult her later on about how "stupid" she was. I should have seen the signs then about what he probably would be expecting of me. But, I was delusional and thought I was in love.
I was forced to move from away from my abusive roommate in PA down to FL to live with my parents. Making this relationship even harder to deal with. Being so far and him not caring that I had moved. It just made it easier for him to cheat on me while I was so much further away.
I got upset cause he did nothing to help me be with him. And was doing everything to keep the illusion that he was single to all his lady friends. Most of them not knowing anything about me.
Then after working and saving a ton of money I treated him to a Disney World trip. I paid for everything but his airfare. I was trying so hard to mend our tarnished relationship. While there in "The Happiest Place On Earth" he proceeded to yell at me on lines in front of Disney guests and staff. Walking away from me in Hollywood Studios (MGM back then). He didn't want to go to any parks, or on any rides. No special events which I paid extra for just to show him a good time. He just wanted to sit in the hotel room and lay in bed. Even when he did that he didn't want to be intimate with me at all.
So much that one night when I was upset that he didn't want to have any Disney fun at all while there, I told him to get out of the room I PAID FOR. And find another room, we were in a hotel after all. Not a hard feat if you ask me. He was ruining my trip with him and I didn't want to remember him nor Disney like that.
During the altercation this time I threatened to throw his stuff out of the room, and call security. He got up threw me down onto a bed, sat on my stomach and choked me. I am asthmatic 5'2 while he is over 6ft. Said I pushed him to do it. Drooling on my face and telling me how he wishes I would DIE right there an then. When he found out I could still breath, he plugged up my nose and almost tried to kill me. I got lightheaded and eyes rolled back while I tried to gasp for air. Finally he let me go and I needed a nebulizer (machine for asthmatics) to get my breathing steady.
He was never sorry. He said it was all my fault he attacked me. Almost ruining Disney forever for me.
Next day he was on the plane heading home and we broke up shortly after, online.
Fast forward a couple years.
I let him back into my life just last year cause I had thought he had changed, he was so nice at first, but it was a ruse. It was still all about him. He was so demanding about how I spoke, what I spoke of and when I spoke.
We went back an forth a lot about whether or not we should be friends, saying I was being passive aggresive. How he wanted me around but hated having me around. Wanted to love me but needed to hurt me.
He wanted to be my favorite lover all over again and I just wanted to help him be happy.
Well lets just say that isn't ever going to happen. Misery loves company. And he is miserable and shall remain that way provided he can't let go of the past. I advise if you ever run into this person. Unless you like a lot of abuse....run the other way.
I was picked at, picked on, being verbally abused all over again. At one point he ever said he wished he has killed me that night in Disney. And at this point.....I wish I had pressed charges when I could have.
He is unhealthy for anyone and to the girls who trust him online right now, please take care of yourself first, because he won't care in the long run. Anytime someone leaves his life it is never his fault. We are all to blame for his shortcomings and judgemental attitude.
Sorry folks but I feel you needed an explanation as to why I would ever remove any of my art.